Generation 4

Chapter 4.17

Note from SweetPoyzin: Not safe for work.

April

Pregnancy Progress: 6 months down, 3 to go!
Next Doctor’s Appointment: Next Month
Notes about Pregnancy: Oh my God.  I have to name my daughter.  Also, why do I still have morning sickness?!

It was seriously the ass crack of dawn…

I had no idea what woke me up but I knew it was super pissed about it.

Then I realized that Willow was in labor.  Like big time.  Yelling, screaming, flailing labor.

Everyone was already upstairs in the living room near Willow’s bedroom by the time I got there.  We chattered back and forth about random crap until Miss Sylvia appeared.

“Girls, it’s going to be a long wait.  She’s still early.  Why don’t you all go downstairs and get started on some school stuff while I help Willow.”

We waited a little while longer but Willow’s moans became too much for us and we slowly wandered off one-by-one.  I headed downstairs to work on some school stuff but apparently I was the only one to follow Miss Sylvia’s directions.

When I finished, I found everyone in the upstairs common room.  Victoria was watching some true crime show and Sonia was chatting online with her boyfriend.  Surprise, surprise.

“RAWR!”  I poked Victoria just when the wife shot her husband…on TV, of course.

“JESUS!  What the hell was that for!”

“I dunno.  Just bored, I guess.  I’m super mature when I’m bored.”

Just then we heard one more loud scream and then a very tiny one.

“HE’S HERE!  Score!”

Victoria and I continued to celebrate but Sonia was distracted by the video game she was playing with her boyfriend.

A few hours later, Miss Sylvia told us we could visit Willow and Baby Noah.

“Oh my God!  Willow he’s perfect!”  He really was, too.  He was gorgeous and had 10 fingers and 10 toes and the most lovely blue eyes.

“How are you, Wills?”

“Well, I’ve been better.  Aside from feeling like my vagina was ripped in two…I’d say I’m ok.”

“Was it really that bad?!”  This was important news.

“Well, I guess not.”

“Oh that the Lord.”  That’s a relief.

“Ok, but have you ever like eaten a bowling ball?  Like a large, I dunno, 8 pound bowling ball?”

“Umm, no.”

“Doesn’t matter.  Imagine you’ve eaten the 8 pound bowling ball and then pushed it out of a hole the size of a golf ball that’s only stretched to be the size of a small grapefruit..  That’s pretty much what it feels like.”

Lovely.

 

Advertisements

13 thoughts on “Chapter 4.17”

  1. Pretty apt description of giving birth, or so I have heard. Both of mine were c-sections, but I heard my oldest daughter giving birth long distance, and she pretty much said the same thing, afterwards! I am so anxious to see Dani’s “squish”!! Glad you are finding time to write, now!! =D

  2. Lol, my male cousin once asked me what it was like to give birth. I told him to think of the opening he uses to pee with, I then told him to imagine squeezing a watermelon out that opening. He winced and paled.

      1. LMFAO! My sister asked for the epidural immediately upon entering the hospital! She knew what she was in for and wasn’t going to deal with it! Good choice, too, since she was in labor for about 19 hours!

  3. hahahahahaha! The bowling ball thing…..That is not true! Okay just a little and I didn’t feel like my vajayjay had been ripped in two either and I have four living children as proof! Very well done SweetP! Especially at scaring new pregnant and potential moms hahahahahahahaha!

    1. Haha I’ve never given birth myself so I’m glad I was spot on in my description! As for scaring expectant and potential mothers — they should have thought about the birthing process by now!

  4. Had an epidural with my one and for us, it was the best way… hubby might have punched someone since he hates to see me in pain. He also got pale when it turned out they needed to snip a bit ~ doctors expected her to be in the 8 pound something range and she surprised them because she was 9 pounds and 22 inches long.

    Your description made me laugh, but I can see it unnerving those who haven’t had kids yet.

  5. I love your characters so much! hahaha I had my first with no drugs, nada, zip. I figured when I’d had the second one, I’d earned an epidural. lolol 😀 This chapter had me rolling. 😀

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s